Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Explorer Core, and a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core. The Social Explorer Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard.
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex both have the Social Explorer in their Triad. The difference is that for Sam, it is the Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads is the Social Explorer, their feelings while they are falling in love naturally align. The fact that love means the same thing to both of them makes the honeymoon phase feel perfect as long as they both are embracing the experience of falling in love.
For the Social Explorer, love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and in the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
The difference between having the Social Explorer as a Core Personality and having it as a Bodyguard Personality becomes most apparent in the transition from the honeymoon phase to more mundane day-to-day living. Because the Social Explorer is Sam’s Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible.
Because the Social Explorer is not Alex’s Core Personality, it answers to their Social Changemaker Core, which is willing to let social distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. This difference still works for this Personality Pair because Alex wants to lead their shared life in new directions. And Sam’s is happy to follow.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Explorer Core is naturally gifted at accepting others unconditionally. So it is unlikely that Alex would ever feel pressured by Sam to change any aspect of themselves. Alex’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive, while also expecting the other person to share some of their values.
Alex might expect Sam to change some aspect of themselves for the greater good of the relationship or their community. Sam’s Social Explorer Personality feels good about going along with Alex’s wishes. So in this Personality Pair, Alex is likely to take the lead in most couple decisions, which works for both of their personalities.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core.
Because the Social Changemaker is Alex’s Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. However, of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index, the Social Changemaker is the most naturally compassionate and concerned with the needs of others. The Social Changemaker Triad tends to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better. That prompts them to approach problem solving with compassion and patience.
As a Bodyguard in Sam’s Triad, the Social Changemaker is influenced by the Social Explorer Core Personality which tends to avoid confrontation, overriding the desire to ask for anything that would cause tension in the relationship. And Sam is also happy to adapt to Alex’s requests as long as they feel manageable.
For this Personality Pair, sympathy and patience are the baseline of communication. So the way disappointment is expressed comes across as low-key and compassionate.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector element in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Social Explorer Triad is the Physical Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Social Changemaker Triad is the Social Connector.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Sam is trusting to stay whole. The fact that Alex shares Sam’s interpersonal values minimizes the chances of disappointment.
When Alex’s Social Connector Bodyguard is active, Alex looks to the relationship for support of the social image and status side of their identity. And Sam’s Social Explorer Personality is eager to support Alex in any way they can.
Even though Sam’s and Alex’s Connector Bodyguards focus in different directions, their Connector goals still support relationship stability because nothing about the value either one of them seeks is at odds with their partner’s personality. ©
