Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Explorer Core, and a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Connector Core. The Social Explorer Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard. The Social Connector Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard.
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Social Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer element in Sam’s Social Explorer Triad is the Social Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Alex’s Social Connector Triad is the Ideas Explorer.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because that Explorer element is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
Alex’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. But because that Explorer element is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let social distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. This Personality Pair is at increased risk of coming to the realization that their love is not as fulfilling as they hoped it would be.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Explorer Core is naturally gifted at accepting others unconditionally. So it is unlikely that Alex would ever feel pressured by Sam to change any aspect of themselves. Alex’s Social Connector Core is focused on the success of the relationship. Alex might expect Sam to change some aspect of themselves to level up the private aspects of the relationship or the public perception of it.
Sam’s Social Explorer Personality generally does not have a problem complying with Alex’s wishes. So in this Personality Pair, Alex is likely to take charge of most couple decisions, which works for both of their personalities.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Social Connector Triad which also includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Changemaker in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is the Social Changemaker, they likely share the attitude that giving is the best way to make things better. As a Bodyguard in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads, the Social Changemaker is influenced by their respective Core Personalities.
Sam’s Core Personality is the Social Explorer which tends to avoid confrontation, overriding the desire to ask for anything that would cause tension in the relationship. Alex’s Core Personality is the Social Connector which is generally skilled in diplomatic leadership. So if Alex wants to change something in the relationship, they are likely to offer Sam an opportunity to get something they have been wanting while participating in the change that Alex wants to see.
For this Personality Pair, conflict rarely escalates. If their relationship does break down, it will appear as a quiet, gradual process with little to no visible drama.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam’s Connector element is the Physical Connector; whereas Alex’s Connector element is the Social Connector.
Because the Social Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.
The identity of Alex’s Social Connector Core is tied to their vision of success. So Alex expects their relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. And Sam’s Social Explorer Personality is eager to support Alex in any way they can.
Because the Physical Connector element in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Sam is trusting to stay whole.
Although Alex’s Social Connector Personality is not as committed to uncompromised integrity as Sam’s Physical Connector, Alex’s commitment to diplomacy can help keep Sam’s concern at bay.
If Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, the Connector dynamic in this Personality Pair is likely to cycle between life feeling perfectly put together, and the couple feeling at odds because Alex’s attitude or choices go against Sam’s values.
Any time that Alex prioritizes success over integrity, it is likely to bother Sam. Although diplomacy can be helpful in keeping tensions from rising too high, Sam’s disappointment is likely to build over time.
This Personality Pair has a much greater chance of success if Sam’s Physical Connector is not active. In that case, Sam’s capacity for unconditional acceptance minimizes any chance of agitation disrupting the relationship. ©
