Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Explorer Core, and a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core. The Social Explorer Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Triad includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer bodyguard.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer element in Sam’s Social Explorer Triad is the Social Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Alex’s Ideas Connector Triad is the Physical Explorer.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because that Explorer element is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body. But because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let distracting thoughts poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry. Over time, experiencing love in different ways can create a disconnect in the relationship, leading Sam and Alex to ‘fall out of love.’
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Explorer Core is naturally gifted at accepting others unconditionally. So it is unlikely that Alex would ever feel pressured by Sam to change any aspect of themselves.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core is focused on never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. The Ideas Connector never takes the position that there is one right way to do things. So it would be highly unusual for Alex to persist in wanting or expecting Sam to change in any way. Alex might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Sam hesitates, Alex is likely to simply move on.
Ultimately, this Personality Pair has a very fluid relationship dynamic. Sam’s Social Explorer Core and Alex’s Ideas Connector Core are both very responsive to outside influences in different ways. A relationship between these two personality types is likely to be in constant flux. Whether Sam and Alex grow closer together or farther apart depends on the specific details of the challenges and opportunities they encounter individually and as a couple.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker bodyguard.
The Social Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard. Therefore, it is influenced by the Social Explorer Core Personality which tends to avoid confrontation, overriding the desire to ask for anything that would cause tension in the relationship. Although the Ideas Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is also a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself.
Within the Ideas Connector Triad, there is a tug-of-war dynamic that can happen between the Ideas Connector Core and the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Core wants to pursue as many directions as possible at once; while the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard wants to hyperfocus on one thing at a time until it is completely resolved. This internal contradiction can set off a feeling of inner chaos that can be difficult to manage. When either Alex is dealing with this internal pressure, it can cause them to feel overwhelmed or anxious, intensifying any stress in the relationship.
In this Personality Pair, Alex has a natural intensity that can easily overshadow Sam’s easy-going temperament. Any confrontation is much more likely to be initiated by Alex than by Sam. Therefore, this couple must be careful to not let the relationship become one sided where Alex’s behavior is unpredictably overbearing or aggressive, and Sam feels they have no choice but to give in.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam’s Connector element is the Physical Connector; whereas Alex’s Connector element is the Ideas Connector.
Because the Ideas Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.
Because the Physical Connector in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind.
To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Sam is trusting to stay whole.
Although Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality prioritizes fairness and equality, it expresses those values by giving attention to every angle or perspective. That can feel unsettling and disorienting to Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard, leading to disappointment within this couple’s Connector dynamic.
When Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard is active, Alex looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. And Sam’s Social Explorer Personality is eager to support Alex in any way they can.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core does not directly impact how Sam and Alex feel about each other. However, the more active Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is, the more disappointed they are likely to feel in the relationship. In this Personality Pair, the relationship is more likely to meet Alex’s Connector needs than Sam’s. ©
