Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Triad includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
The Explorer element in Sam’s Social Changemaker Triad is the Social Explorer, anchoring their love in the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. The Explorer element in Sam’s Ideas Connector Triad is the Physical Explorer, anchoring love in their body.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
What draws this Personality Pair together is most likely the opportunity that the relationship creates for both of them to enjoy time away from the many demands that each of their Core Personalities allows them to get pulled into every day. The relationship may be the only space where they feel comfortable staying focused on the moment, giving themselves permission to ignore the constant flood of distractions and expectations from the outside world.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive, while also expecting the other person to share some of their values. Sam might expect Alex to change some aspect of themselves for the greater good of the relationship or their community, which Alex is likely to do until they get bored or tired of doing it.
Alex rarely, if ever, persists in wanting or expecting Sam to change in any way, not one to limit themselves or anyone else to a single way of doing things. Alex prioritizes never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. So they are unlikely to commit themselves to a particular permanent change or to put pressure on Sam to do that for them. Alex might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Sam hesitates, Alex is likely to simply move on.
Both Sam’s Social Changemaker Core and Alex’s Ideas Connector Core are naturally outgoing personalities. Each of them is likely to be very involved in community, leading to a very busy life in and out of the home. The difference is that Sam’s personality prefers life to be streamlined and consistent; whereas Alex’s personality thrives on variety. Pressure to change is much more likely to come from Sam than from Alex.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Long-term compatibility in this relationship depends on how comfortable Sam can be with Alex’s everchanging focus and choices. For this relationship to last, it is probably necessary for Sam to decide that any stress caused by Alex’s hyperactive mind is outweighed by the innovative and exciting opportunities it invites into their life.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Social Changemaker is Sam’s Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. However, of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index, the Social Changemaker is the most naturally compassionate and concerned with the needs of others. Sam has the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better. They are inclined to thoughtfully persist in offering mutually beneficial solutions to whatever is bothering them, until it gets resolved.
Although the Ideas Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself.
Within the Ideas Connector Triad, there is a tug-of-war dynamic that can happen between the Ideas Connector Core and the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Core wants to pursue as many directions as possible at once; while the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard wants to hyperfocus on one thing at a time until it is completely resolved.
This internal contradiction can set off a feeling of inner chaos that can be difficult to manage. When Alex is dealing with this internal pressure, it can cause them to feel overwhelmed or anxious, intensifying any stress in the relationship.
In this Personality Pair, both Sam and Alex are naturally strong-willed personalities. But both would rather see the bright side of a situation than criticize it. So this Personality Pair has a unique potential to appreciate the diverse opportunities that their partner attracts, leaning in to their differences and minimizing conflict in the process.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Alex has the Ideas Connector in their Triad; whereas Sam has the Social Connector.
Because the Social Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Because the Connector elements in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguards, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind.
To what extent Sam expects their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about themselves in the world. Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality is eager to nurture and help Alex in any way they can. And Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality has a natural affinity for networking and navigating sensitive social landscapes. This Personality Pair is likely to enjoy a mutually fulfilling Connector dynamic. ©
