Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Explorer Core. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Explorer Triad includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard and a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is the Social Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is the Physical Explorer.
The Explorer element in Sam’s Social Changemaker Triad is the Social Explorer, anchoring their love in the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. The Explorer element in Sam’s Ideas Connector Triad is the Physical Explorer, anchoring love in their body.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
For this Personality Pair, the term “opposites attract” might capture how Sam’s desire to be valued for how they nurture, and Alex’s desire to be doted on and to receive affection and attention complement each other. Sam’s and Alex’s love styles can fit together like pieces of a puzzle, and create the opportunity for a relationship that meets both of their needs.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive, while also expecting the other person to share some of their values. Sam might expect Alex to change some aspect of themselves for the greater good of the relationship or their community.
Although Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality wants everyone to feel good, Alex can tend to focus on themselves before focusing on others. That tendency can lead Alex to make choices that do not fit what Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality considers decent and respectable. So Sam is likely to be disappointed in Alex’s behavior.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core is deeply connected to their body, and is focused on how their body feels in each moment. They are not likely to put pressure on Sam to change unless Sam was getting in the way of Alex’s body feeling good, which would be unusual.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
In this Personality Pair, both Sam and Alex are inclined to give more attention to Alex’s needs than to Sam’s.
In order for Sam not to reach the point of resenting Alex and feeling more like a parent than a partner, it is important that Sam let Alex know when and how they, too, need to be nurtured. If Alex does not make it a priority to show Sam how much they care, that is an indication that the relationship probably does not serve either one of them.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Social Changemaker is Sam’s Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. However, of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index, the Social Changemaker is the most naturally compassionate and concerned with the needs of others.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core believes that giving is the best way to make things better. Sam is inclined to thoughtfully persist in offering mutually beneficial solutions to whatever is bothering them, until it gets resolved.
Although the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is also a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself when Alex feels coerced or threatened.
If Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is triggered, Alex may intentionally or unintentionally project physically intimidating body language. When that happens, Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality is likely to fall back on their worldview that taking care of others’ needs is the best way to resolve issues. So they are likely to do everything they can to make Alex Happy.
For this Personality Pair, conflict is most likely to arise if Sam feels that Alex is only in the relationship to use Sam, and not because they actually love and appreciate them. If Sam starts feeling that way, they are likely to give Alex many chances to change their attitude and behavior. But, ultimately, they may seek other relationship options.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector elements in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Social Changemaker Triad is the Social Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Triad is the Ideas Connector.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about themselves in the world.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality is eager to nurture and help Alex in any way they can. And Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality has a natural charm that opens doors and attracts influential people. In this Personality Pair, Sam and Alex have the makings of a symbiotic Connector dynamic. ©
