Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which also includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads is not their Core Personality, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. But when they do focus on each other, their feelings of love align because the Explorer element in both of their Personality Triads is the Social Explorer.
For both Sam and Alex, love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
In this Personality Pair, both Sam and Alex enjoy being out in the world. If they are not careful to make time for each other, they can fall into a pattern of giving more time to the rest of the world than to their partner. A commitment to spending quality time together can go a long way toward keeping both Sam and Alex feeling secure and loved in their relationship.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive while also expecting the other person to have the same values. Sam might expect Alex to change how they spend time or money (or other resources) to make room for causes that are important to Sam.
Alex is likely to listen to any expectations Sam has, then make a decision based on an objective look at the pros and cons. If Alex decides not to do what Sam wants, Sam is likely to accept Alex’s choice, and not express their disappointment.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is breaking established rules or social norms, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with what society expects.
Alex’s expectations of Sam are likely to be met because Sam tends to share Alex’s adherence to established social and professional standards of behavior in life.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Both Sam and Alex care about making ethical decisions and choices. Any expectations they have of one another are likely to be anchored in deeply held values and beliefs. As long as they keep communication channels open between them, their love has a good chance of growing deep roots and flourishing for a long time.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Changemaker element in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that upsets them. But Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is the most naturally compassionate of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index. They tend to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better, and try to thoughtfully communicate about whatever is bothering them until it gets resolved.
Although the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself, especially when it feels triggered. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, their Physical Changemaker Bodyguard might, intentionally or unintentionally, project physically intimidating body language.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers. If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex might begin to feel and express agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
It is important for Alex to have options for de-stressing and redirecting any time they feel their Physical Changemaker Bodyguard getting triggered. Both Sam and Alex prefer to manage their feelings privately. Having a safe space to decompress is critical to the health and well-being of this Personality Pair.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Because the Social Connector in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind.
To what extent Sam expect their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Sam has the Social Connector Bodyguard which expects the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Sam’s expectations are likely to be met in this Personality Pair because Alex’s Physical Connector Core has a natural affinity for understanding what is required to be respected in any social or professional context.
Alex has the Physical Connector Core which is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality prioritizes kindness and compassion above all else. So Sam’s behavior is likely to align with Alex’s expectations.
In this Personality Pair, both Sam’s and Alex’s Core Personalities prioritize their partner’s needs. Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality enjoys giving and taking care of others. And Alex’s Physical Connector Personality has a strong work ethic and sense of fairness that tends to make them expect more of themselves than they expect of anyone else.
Even though Sam’s and Alex’s Connector Bodyguards focus in different directions, their Connector goals still support relationship stability because nothing about the value either one of them seeks is at odds with their partner’s personality.
This Personality Pair has the potential for a lifelong relationship that provides both of them with the love and respect they deserve. ©
