Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core. The Social Connector Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which also includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard.
In this Personality Pair, Sam and Alex both have an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard in their Triad. Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads is the Ideas Explorer, their feelings while they are falling in love naturally align.
But because the Ideas Explorer is not Sam’s or Alex’s Core Personality, neither one of them is inclined to direct all their energy into a relationship cloud. Both of them are willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
How close they feel during the honeymoon phase depends on how active each of their Ideas Explorer Bodyguards is. The Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported.
The fact that love means the same thing to both Sam and Alex can make the honeymoon phase feel perfect as long as they are both embracing the experience of falling in love. If they do embrace love in this early stage of their relationship, it creates a foundation of closeness they can revisit as the relationship progresses, any time they feel at risk of drifting apart.
If either of their Ideas Explorer Bodyguards is not developed or active, the honeymoon phase of their relationship is at risk of falling flat, leading both of them to wonder why they got together in the first place.
Regardless of what happens throughout the honeymoon phase, once it is over, both of them are likely to direct their energies in different directions. Sam is likely to focus on achieving their personal and professional goals. Alex is likely to focus on any mental pursuits they were involved in prior to getting into the relationship.
If they grow closer during the honeymoon phase, they are likely to stay emotionally connected. If the honeymoon phase feels underwhelming, they are likely to ‘fall out of love’ sooner rather than later.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Connector Core is focused on success. Sam may expect Alex to change their mindset or course of action as part of a commitment to leveling up the private aspects of the relationship or the public perception of it.
Alex is likely to feel offended that Sam is expecting Alex to follow direction from Sam as though Sam is their boss.
Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that Sam needs to change in some way. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves.
Sam is likely to feel that it is a waste of time, and beneath them, to even respond to Alex’s expectations that probably have nothing to do with making their life more successful.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
In the long run, Sam might feel that Alex is not concerned enough with moving ahead in life. And Alex might feel that Sam is not intellectually engaging enough.
For this Personality Pair, the stark contrast between their Core Personalities can lead either or both of them to feel incompatible from the early stages of the relationship.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core.
Because the Ideas Changemaker is Alex’s Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. That is doubly true because the Ideas Changemaker personality is one of the most assertive and argumentative personality types on the Couples Personality Index. Alex is likely to project an argumentative tone whenever they want something to change.
Sam’s Social Connector Triad has the Social Changemaker Bodyguard. Of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index, the Social Changemaker is the most naturally compassionate and concerned with the needs of others. Sam has the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better. They are inclined to diplomatically persist in offering mutually beneficial solutions to whatever is bothering them, until it gets resolved.
Whether or not the conflicts between Sam and Alex escalate to the point of causing rifts in the relationship depends on how much they respect one another’s priorities. If Sam respects Alex’s analytical skillset, and Alex respects Sam’s gift for diplomacy, they have the potential to enjoy a successful and mutually satisfying long-term relationship. If not, conflict are likely to get the better of their partnership.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Ideas Connector.
Because the Social Connector in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Sam’s Social Connector Personality wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity.
However, Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Core has no interest or skill when it comes to social appearances. So Sam’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
Because the Ideas Connector element in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Alex expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. When active, Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world.
However, Sam’s Social Connector Personality is not likely to have much interest in providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. So Alex’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
This Personality Pair has almost no chance of satisfying either Sam’s or Alex’s Connector needs. If this couple does come together, their Connector differences are likely to cause interruptions in any emotional attachment they have. ©
