Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core. The Social Connector Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Triad includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam’s Social Connector Triad has the Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. Alex’s Ideas Connector Triad has the Physical Explorer Bodyguard. Because the Explorer element is not the Core Personality in either Sam’s or Alex’s Triad, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Even when they are both absorbed in the feeling of being in love, the fact that the Explorer elements in their respective Triads are different means that their love dynamic is at risk of going through perpetual ups and downs.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body. Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
In this Personality Pair, the longevity of Sam’s and Alex’s love depends on their joint commitment to keeping their physical and emotional bonds in sync. If their physical intimacy moves faster than their emotional intimacy, they are likely to reach a point when the relationship feels empty and unsatisfying to both of them.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Connector Core focuses on success. Sam may expect Alex to change their mindset or course of action, as part of their commitment to leveling up the private aspects of the relationship or the public perception of it. Alex is likely to go along until they get bored or tired of it.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core has an aversion to limiting themselves or anyone else to a single way of doing things. Alex prioritizes never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. So they are unlikely to commit themselves to a particular permanent change or to persist in wanting or expecting Sam to do that for them. Alex might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Sam hesitates, Alex is likely to simply move on.
Both Sam’s Social Connector Core and Alex’s Ideas Connector Core are naturally outgoing personalities. Each of them is likely to be very active in the world, leading to a very busy life in and out of the home.
The difference is that for Sam’s Social Connector personality, it is important to consistently gain social status; whereas Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality thrives on keeping life interesting by not staying on any one course for too long.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Pressure to change is much more likely to come from Sam than from Alex. Long-term compatibility in this relationship depends on how comfortable Sam can be with Alex’s everchanging focus and choices.
For this relationship to last, it is probably necessary for Sam to decide that any stress caused by Alex’s hyperactive mind is outweighed by the innovative and exciting opportunities it invites into their life.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard.
Of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index, the Social Changemaker is the most naturally compassionate and concerned with the needs of others. Sam has the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better. They are inclined to diplomatically persist in offering mutually beneficial solutions to whatever is bothering them, until it gets resolved.
In contrast, The Ideas Changemaker is one of the most forceful and assertive personality types on the Couples Personality Index. If Alex feels cornered or pressured to limit themselves in a way that feels constricting, their Ideas Connector Core is likely to feel stuck, triggering the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard into action. When that happens, Alex is likely to become agitated and argumentative.
But as long as Alex sees a way to maneuver out of whatever is making them uncomfortable, their Ideas Connector Core is likely to stay in peacemaker mode, which keeps the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard at bay.
Both Sam’s and Alex’s Core Personalities default to back door communication styles that aim for a peaceful resolution.
The difference is that the natural diplomacy of Sam’s Social Connector Core is likely to carry through until an issue is resolved; whereas Alex’s talent for negotiating complex disagreements can be abruptly overshadowed by a triggered Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard.
In this Personality Pair, both Sam and Alex are likely to feel that they have better things to do than waste their energies on a ‘battle to the death’ even on issues they care about. If they find themselves at a relationship impasse, either of them is likely to take a step back from the situation in hopes of gaining a fresh perspective.
Although Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard can be triggered if they feel cornered, Sam’s naturally diplomatic communication is likely to keep Alex’s defensiveness to a minimum.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Because the Connector element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, it is very important to both of them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.
But Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world differently because Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Ideas Connector.
Sam’s Social Connector Personality wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Alex’s Ideas Connector Core looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about themselves in the world.
Sam’s Social Connector Personality is not likely to have much interest in providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. So Alex’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality does have a natural affinity for networking and navigating sensitive social landscapes. So there are likely to be times when Alex plays an invaluable role in fulfilling Sam’s Connector needs.
However, Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality is not likely to limit their involvement in Sam’s social circles to what Sam wants. Ultimately, Sam is likely to feel disrespected and annoyed, and to keep Alex from being able to contribute at all.
This relationship is likely to feel unsatisfying to both of Sam’s and Alex’s Connector Personalities. This Connector dynamic of this Personality Pair is likely to feel like a thorn in the side of the relationship. ©
