Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Explorer Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core. The Ideas Explorer Triad includes a Social Connector Bodyguard and an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Triad includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer Element in Sam’s Ideas Explorer Triad is the Ideas Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Sam’s Ideas Connector Triad is the Physical Explorer.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. And because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body. But because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let distracting thoughts poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core prides itself on accepting and supporting their partner’s deepest feelings. But they might judge their partner for not wanting to stay immersed in those deep feelings, and expect them to work on changing themselves. Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality is not likely to have an interest in Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality because Alex would never give the impression that they want to spend time or energy getting in touch with their feelings.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core has an aversion to limiting themselves or anyone else to a single way of doing things. Alex prioritizes never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. So they are unlikely to commit themselves to a particular permanent change or to persist in wanting or expecting Sam to do that for them. Alex might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Sam hesitates, Alex is likely to simply move on.
Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not deep enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam is too preoccupied with their own inner reality. This Personality Pair is apt to feel that they have nothing in common. Whatever brought them together can be expected to give way to frustration and disinterest from both sides.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which also includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard.
The Changemaker element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is the Ideas Changemaker. Although the Ideas Changemaker in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, it can be eager to assert itself. One of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, it can come across as argumentative, and tends to show up in defense of a Core Personality that is not as naturally assertive or decisive.
Neither the Ideas Explorer Core nor the Ideas Connector Core are particularly comfortable with confrontation. The Ideas Explorer tends to be introverted. And the Ideas Connector is naturally inclined toward peacemaking. But if either the Ideas Explorer or the Ideas Connector feels triggered into a defensive mode, the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard is likely to take over.
If Sam’s and Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard are triggered at the same time, the argument that ensues is guaranteed to be very intense. This Personality Pair is unlikely to ever happen. But if it does, Sam and Alex must recognize that when one of them needs to vent negative feelings, their partner has to take the high road and stay calm until those feelings dissipate.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Ideas Connector.
Because the Ideas Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Alex’s Ideas Connector Core looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality generally feels good about providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. However, the unfiltered thought process of Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality can feel exhausting to Sam and cause both of them to feel frustrated.
Because the Social Connector element in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Because Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core Personality is naturally introverted, their Connector needs are likely to focus on specific circumstances or environments. For example, they may want the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity as a creator in the art world.
Sam’s Connector needs are likely to be met because Alex’s Ideas Connector Core has a natural affinity for networking and navigating nuanced social circles. However, Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality can feel to Sam like a Pandora’s Box of multiplying thoughts and feelings that brings chaos to the relationship. So Sam is likely to feel that getting their Connector needs met is a catch 22.
The Connector dynamic in this partnership is apt to feel like a double edged sword, adding another layer of drama to this couple’s temperamental love.
Two complex and intense Triads, the Ideas Explorer and Ideas Connector are guaranteed to experience moments of drama throughout their relationship. The multidirectional energy of Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality influences the frequency and intensity of those moments to escalate over time. ©