Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Explorer Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core. The Ideas Explorer Triad includes a Social Connector Bodyguard and an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam has the Ideas Explorer Core which anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Because the Ideas Explorer is Sam’s Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body. Because the Physical Explorer in Alex’s Triad is a bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, Alex is willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality prioritizes deep emotional connection at every stage of the relationship. Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard values physical pleasure above most other expressions of intimacy.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, developing their emotional connection. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
For this Personality Pair, the stark contrast between their approaches to love makes it unlikely that they would ever have an initial attraction, let alone a love that stands the test of time.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core prides itself on accepting and supporting their partner’s deepest feelings. But they might judge their partner for not wanting to stay immersed in those deep feelings, and expect them to work on changing themselves.
Alex is likely to resent Sam’s expectations because their Physical Changemaker Personality tends to interpret expectations that they change something about themselves as a threat to their autonomy and power.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they may attempt to impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Sam is likely to withdraw in response to Alex’s gruff demeanor. The relationship dynamic is likely either to become detrimentally oppressive to Sam, or to simply shut down.
Even though Alex’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact Sam. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities Sam has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality is not likely to have an interest in Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality because Alex would never give the impression that they want to spend time or energy getting in touch with their feelings.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality is not likely to have an interest in Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality because Sam would never give the impression that they are open to participating in the kinds of power games Alex wants to play.
Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not deep or sensitive enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam is not interested enough in taking risks or living life to the fullest.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
This Personality Pair is apt to feel that they have nothing in common. Whatever brought them together can be expected to give way to frustration and disinterest from both sides. The inherent incompatibility of this Personality Pair makes it highly unlikely to happen in the first place.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It often comes across as argumentative, and tends to show up in defense of the Ideas Explorer Core which is naturally more sensitive and introverted.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is also one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. This Core Personality is extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and welcomes opportunities to exercise control.
Because the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them, and can often come across as belligerent even without realizing it.
When Alex allows any disappointment they have in Sam to cross over into a power play, it is immediately apparent in Alex’s physically intimidating body language. Sam’s reaction to Alex’s domineering energy is likely to either withdraw completely or shift gears to the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard heated debate mode.
If Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core come up against each other, the confrontation that ensues could bring down the house. If these two personalities ever get together (which is not likely), it is important for Sam and Alex to recognize that when one of them needs to let off steam, the other one needs to remain calm until tempers subside.
The patent incompatibility of this Personality Pair cuts through every aspect of romantic partnership. It is virtually impossible for a healthy, happy version of this couple to exist.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
Sam and Alex still approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector elements in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Ideas Explorer Triad is the Social Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad is the Physical Connector.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When active, Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. However, Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core Personality is naturally introverted, requiring their Connector needs to focus on specific circumstances or environments. For example, they may want the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity as a creator in the art world.
But Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality is likely to resent any expectations that they follow any kind of social protocol in order to make a good impression and get along with people. The Physical Changemaker Personality tends to begrudge demands, regardless if they come from their own ‘alter ego’ Bodyguard or from a partner.
Whether or not Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, Alex is likely to either not recognize Sam’s Social Connector needs, or to simply ignore them.
When Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Alex is trusting to stay whole.
The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer. If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Alex into a defensive posture. Alex’s Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Alex expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
However, Sam’s Social Connector Personality has no interest in policing the couple’s social interactions or fitting into any of the preset frameworks Alex may use to manage their life.
This Personality Pair is unlikely to meet either Sam’s or Alex’s Connector needs. There is little to no chance that Sam’s Ideas Explorer and Alex’s Physical Changemaker would choose each other in the first place. And if they did, the relationship would likely end as soon as it began. ©
