Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. The Ideas Connector Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let distracting thoughts poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that their partner needs to change in some way.
If Sam suspects that a thought they expressed is not being taken seriously by Alex, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core has an aversion to limiting themselves or anyone else to a single way of doing things. Alex prioritizes never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. So they are unlikely to commit themselves to a particular permanent change or to persist in wanting or expecting Sam to do that for them. Alex might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Sam hesitates, Alex is likely to simply move on.
Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not focused enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam is not flexible enough. For this Personality Pair, mutual respect and appreciation of how their partner navigates thoughts and feelings is extremely important.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
This Personality Pair is not likely to get together, or even enjoys one another’s company. But if somehow they end up in a relationship, even the most basic level of compatibility depends on how committed each of them is to work on putting their own thought process aside long enough to hear the other person out. The more open both Sam and Alex are to lowering their defenses and stepping outside their comfort zone, the more compatible they are likely to feel.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Ideas Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. Although the Ideas Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, it is still eager to assert itself. One of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, the Ideas Changemaker often comes across as argumentative, and tends to show up in defense of the Ideas Connector Core which is more inclined toward peacemaking and hesitant to take a stand.
In this Personality Pair, Sam and Alex are likely to disagree a lot because they have opposite goals when it comes to keeping life interesting and satisfying. Sam gets satisfaction from understanding whatever subject interests them down to its roots. Alex gets bored staying on one topic too long, and is always seeking fresh ideas and perspectives.
If Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Core and Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard are triggered at the same time, the argument that ensues can feel out of control. For this Personality Pair, conflicts are likely to feel intense and chaotic.
In order for this relationship to be remotely sustainable, it is important for Sam and Alex to recognize when one of them needs to vent negative feelings, and to make sure that their partner holds a calm space until those feelings dissipate.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Triad and Alex’s Ideas Connector Triad have the same Ideas Connector element. The difference is that in Alex’s Triad, it is the Core Personality; whereas in Sam’s Triad, it is a Bodyguard.
Because the Ideas Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.
Because the Connector element in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.
As a Core Personality or active Bodyguard, the Ideas Connector prompts Sam and Alex to depend on the relationship for support of thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. Having the same Connector element means that Sam and Alex understand one another’s Connector needs. But it also puts those Connector needs in direct competition with one another.
The most obvious challenge with having two Ideas Connector in a relationship is that neither one is likely to hold back their own thoughts and feelings long enough for the other person to feel heard. The Ideas Connector’s inherently unfiltered thought process is likely to feel exhausting and cause frustration on both sides.
Although Sam and Alex share the same Ideas Connector element, the difference between having it as a Core Personality and having it as a Bodyguard shows up in how Sam and Alex use any Connector support they receive from their partner.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Triad wants their partner’s support to help them have a more focused vision of who they are in the world. Alex’s Ideas Connector Triad wants their partner’s support to help them have a less limiting vision of who they are in the world. Although it is always the Connector element that motivates us to develop our connection with the world, the way we craft that connection is influenced by our Core identity. ©
