Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Explorer Core. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Explorer Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Because the Ideas Explorer is Sam’s Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because the Physical Explorer is a Bodyguard, and not Alex’s Core Personality, they are willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. Even if both Sam and Alex decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Alex’s Physical Explorer Core anchors love in their body. Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Ultimately, it would be unusual for this Personality Pair to get together in the first place. If they do, their relationship is more likely to take the form of ‘friends with benefits’ than a long-term, committed partnership.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that their partner needs to change in some way.
If Sam suspects that a thought they expressed is not being taken seriously by Alex, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core is deeply connected to their body, and is focused on how their body feels in each moment. Although Sam’s priorities are likely to annoy Alex, Alex prefers not to waste time worrying about what other people are thinking or doing. So Alex is not likely to have any expectations of Sam.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Personality is not likely to have an interest in Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality because Alex would never give the impression that they want to spend time or energy discussing and analyzing serious topics. Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality is not likely to have an interest in Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Personality because Sam would never give the impression that having a good time is their top priority.
Sam’s intense interest in technical ideas and concepts is likely to interfere with Alex feeling good, irritating Alex and causing both of them to lose tolerance for each other. Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not deep enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam is not fun enough.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
This Personality Pair is apt to feel that they have nothing in common. Whatever brought them together can be expected to give way to frustration and disinterest from both sides.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Ideas Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. The Ideas Changemaker is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It often comes across as defensive and argumentative.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core generally opts to avoid confrontation unless they are concerned about losing something that helps them feel good. If Sam goes on the offensive, Alex is likely to disappear.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is also one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. As a Bodyguard in the Physical Explorer Triad, it can come out in full force, especially if getting out is not an option. Extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and eager to defend the Physical Explorer Core, it shows up as a visibly intimidating shift in Alex’s demeanor any time Alex feels backed into a corner.
In this Personality Pair, Sam and Alex probably dislike each other and live separate lives. But if they find themselves in a situation where they both feel strongly about something, and it is not possible for both of them to get what they want, it can turn into an extremely antagonistic and explosive confrontation.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Triad and Alex’s Physical Explorer Triad both have the Ideas Connector element as a Bodyguard. Because the Ideas Connector element in both of Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything.
A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world. When active, the Ideas Connector Bodyguard prompts Sam and Alex to depend on the relationship for support of thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world.
Having the same Connector element means that Sam and Alex understand one another’s Connector needs. But it also puts those Connector needs in direct competition with one another.
Sam’s and Alex’s Core Personalities respond differently to their partner’s Connector needs.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Personality takes an intense, incisive approach to supporting Alex, expressing their philosophy that the only way to figure anything out is to dig straight down until you hit paydirt. That approach is likely to stress Alex out.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality prefers a much more chill approach. Alex is likely to invite Sam to sit back and relax until any clarity they are seeking materializes.
In this Personality Pair, neither Sam nor Alex is likely to offer the kind of Connector support that works for their partner. If these two Personalities ever get together, the more time they spend living their individual lives and getting support from other people, the greater their chance of enjoying the time they do spend together. ©
