Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads are different, they experience love differently. And because neither one has the Explorer as a Core Personality, both of them are willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. For this Personality Pair, the emotional experience of love is not likely to feel very consistent.
Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Personality Triad is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Personality Triad is the Ideas Explorer, their love is anchored in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported.
Ultimately, Alex’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy.
The basic differences in how Sam and Alex approach love sets up their relationship to feel distant or cold from the get-go. Nothing about Sam’s and Alex’s Explorer Bodyguards has the potential to ignite a spark. The absence of romantic potential is consistent with the overall misalignment of this Personality Pair.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that their partner needs to change in some way.
If Sam suspects that a thought they expressed is not being taken seriously by Alex, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves.
Alex is not likely to take Sam’s expectations seriously because Sam’s expectations are typically contrary to widely accepted views.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is making risky choices or breaking laws, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with society’s standards.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Personality prefers marching to the beat of their own drum, and is extremely unlikely to even consider trying to change for Alex.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not free-thinking enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam is not responsible enough or respectful of social and professional norms. This Personality Pair lacks the fundamental compatibility required for a mutually satisfying partnership.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Ideas Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. The Ideas Changemaker is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It often comes across as defensive and argumentative.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core generally prefers to avoid confrontation unless absolutely necessary to defend someone or something they consider important. If there is not a compelling reason to confront someone head on, Alex opts for courtesy and professionalism. In this Personality Pair, arguments are generally much more likely to be initiated by Sam than by Alex.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is also one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, and welcomes opportunities to exercise control. When active, the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard can project a combative energy that temporarily takes over the Core Personality.
Extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and eager to stand on principle, it shows up as a visibly intimidating shift in Alex’s demeanor any time Alex feels that the only way to make something right is to show their power.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers. If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex might begin to feel and express agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
In this Personality Pair, Sam and Alex see reality from completely different perspectives. They are more likely to disagree than to agree on everything from politics to how mundane tasks should be completed. If an Ideas Changemaker and a Physical Connector decide to get together (which would be unusual), they are likely to end up either ignoring one another or arguing much of the time.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam has the Ideas Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Physical Connector.
Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Alex’s Physical Connector Core is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life.
The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.
Sam is much more independently minded than Alex is when it comes to determining right and wrong. Where Alex respects the standards put in place by established authority, Sam is more inclined to trust their own intuitive and rational thinking. If Sam’s personal code of ethics does not align with basic principles that Alex lives by, that is likely to trigger hostility and even a breakup.
Because the Ideas Connector element in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When active, Sam’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. However, Alex’s Physical Connector Personality is not particularly comfortable delving into their own emotions or anyone else’s. So Alex’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
This Personality Pair has almost no chance of satisfying either Sam’s or Alex’s Connector needs. If this couple does come together, their Connector differences are likely to cause interruptions in any emotional attachment they have. ©
