Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Sam’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body. Alex’s Social Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they may attempt to impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Alex is not likely to tolerate Sam’s efforts to impose expectations for the sake of establishing dominance. But even though Sam’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact Alex. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities Alex has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is making risky choices or breaking laws, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with society’s standards.
Alex is likely to resent Sam’s expectations because their Physical Changemaker Personality tends to interpret expectations that they change something about themselves as a threat to their autonomy and power.
Sam is likely to think that Alex is not adventurous enough. Alex is likely to think that Sam is not responsible or disciplined enough.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
The Physical Changemaker Personality and Physical Connector Personality have a fundamental incompatibility in their approaches to tackling the challenges of life. Although Sam and Alex can both hold their own in this relationship, neither one is likely to feel that the two of them are compatible or that it is a relationship worth keeping.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Physical Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. One of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, the Physical Changemaker Personality often comes across as belligerent even without realizing it.
When Sam allows any disappointment they have in Alex to cross over into a power play, it is immediately apparent in Sam’s physically intimidating body language. Alex’s reaction to Sam’s domineering energy is likely to start out as a de-escalation strategy. If that does not work, Alex is likely to walk away. But if logistics or principles make it difficult or impossible to walk away, Alex may feel they have no choice but to display their own show of force.
Although the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, it is still eager to assert itself. When active, the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard can project a combative energy that temporarily takes over the Core Personality.
Even as a Bodyguard in Alex’s in discreet and tactful Physical Connector Triad, the Physical Changemaker requires Alex to exercise active self-restraint to keep it sitting on the sidelines in an adversarial situation.
If Alex’s Physical Connector Personality feels that Sam is responsible for something important going wrong in their life, the default cool, calm and collected demeanor of Alex’s Physical Connector Core can give way to the confrontational and physically intimidating energy of their Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers.
If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex might begin to feel and express agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
Alex’s composure quells most confrontations that are triggered between them before they build too much momentum. However, it is more likely that the couple is just deciding to focus on other things than that they are actually reaching a mutually satisfactory resolution.
In this Personality Pair, Sam’s and Alex’s priorities are so diametrically opposed that their wants are very likely to be mutually exclusive. For this Personality Pair, living as roommates with independent lives, and easy options for staying out of each other’s way, is probably the closest they can come to living as a couple.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Physical Changemaker Triad and Alex’s Physical Connector Triad both have the Physical Connector element. The difference is that in Alex’s Physical Connector Triad, it is the Core Personality; whereas in Sam’s Physical Changemaker Triad, it is a Bodyguard.
Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Because the Physical Connector in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind.
But when Sam’s Connector Bodyguard is active, Sam looks to the relationship to support their connection to the world the same way Alex does. The Physical Connector is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that the Physical Connector is trusting to stay whole.
To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Sam’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer. If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
Sam is likely to resent any demands, whether they come from their own ‘alter ego’ Bodyguard or from a partner. Regardless if Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active or not, they are likely to either not recognize their partner’s Physical Connector needs, or to simply ignore them.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Sam into a defensive posture. Their Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Sam expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
Having the same Connector element means that Sam and Alex have parallel perspectives on the Connector role that their relationship plays in their lives. The more developed Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard, the more they can begin to understand Alex’s Connector needs as well as their own.
However, it can take a lot of work for Sam’s Core Physical Changemaker Personality to develop the patience and empathy necessary to choose the relationship’s Connector needs over any personal agenda.
If Sam’s Connector Bodyguard is developed enough to reign in the impulsive temper of their Physical Changemaker Core, it is possible, but a longshot, for this couple to have a symbiotic synergy where they have each other’s backs and share a mutual commitment to the relationship. ©
