Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads are different, they experience love differently. And because neither one has the Explorer as a Core Personality, both of them are willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. Still, this Personality Pair is likely to have an intense chemistry that keeps their love passionate whenever they are together.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Personality Triad is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Personality Triad is the Physical Explorer, their love is anchored in their body.
For this Personality Pair, chemistry feels like a yin/yang magnetic attraction between Sam who thrives on nurturing and giving, and Alex who thrives on being supported in their power.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive while also expecting the other person to have the same values. Sam might expect Alex to change how they spend time or money (or other resources) to make room for causes that are important to Sam.
Alex is likely to resent Sam’s expectations because Alex generally prioritizes their own needs above the needs of others. This difference in values is likely to be at the root of either or both feeling they are not as compatible emotionally as they are physically.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they might impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality believes that giving is the best way to resolve issues. So they are likely to do everything they can to make Alex Happy.
Even though Alex’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact Sam. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities Sam has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
It is very important that this Personality Pair connect with community because social isolation could push their relationship dynamic to an unhealthy extreme.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Because the Changemaker element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, neither one is likely to ignore something that upsets them.
But Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is the most naturally compassionate of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index. They tend to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better, and try to thoughtfully communicate about whatever is bothering them until it gets resolved.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, often coming across as belligerent even without realizing it. When Alex allows any disappointment they have in Sam to cross over into a power play, it is immediately apparent in Alex’s physically intimidating body language.
Sam’s easygoing, people pleasing nature is not likely to resist Alex’s efforts to control any or all aspects of Sam’s life or the relationship.
For this Personality Pair, the risk of Alex reacting defensively to a trigger may always be there. Alex has a natural intensity that can easily overshadow Sam’s easy-going temperament. Any confrontation is much more likely to be initiated by Alex than by Sam.
This couple must be careful to not let the relationship become one sided where Alex’s behavior is unpredictably overbearing or aggressive, and Sam feels they have no choice but to give in.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard.
Because the Physical Connector element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is a Bodyguard, and not the Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Sam has the Social Connector Bodyguard which expects the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Alex has the Physical Connector Bodyguard which is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life.
The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer. If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
The Physical Changemaker Core is likely to resent any demands, whether they come from its own ‘alter ego’ Bodyguard or from a partner. Even If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is not active, Alex is likely to either not recognize Sam’s Physical Connector needs, or to simply ignore them.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Alex into a defensive posture. Alex’s Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Alex expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
Although Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality is likely to try meeting any demands that Alex makes, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality is difficult to please.
In contrast, Alex is not likely to care, or even notice, Sam’s need for support of any kind. This Personality Pair has a natural imbalance in the Connector dynamic that mirrors every other facet of their relationship, making it nearly impossible for this couple to have a healthy partnership without therapeutic intervention.
