Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads are different, they experience love differently. And because neither one has the Explorer as a Core Personality, both of them are willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. For this Personality Pair, the emotional experience of love is not likely to feel as consistent or as important as a shared commitment to making the world a better place.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Personality Triad is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Personality Triad is the Ideas Explorer, their love is anchored in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy.
What draws this Personality Pair together is most likely how the relationship supports the conviction they both have to make a difference in the world.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive while also expecting the other person to have the same values. Sam might expect Alex to change how they spend time or money (or other resources) to make room for causes they personally feel are more important. The more naturally aligned Sam’s and Alex’s priorities, the more likely this couple is to sustain a satisfying, long-term relationship.
Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that Sam needs to change in some way.
When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves. Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality believes that giving is the best way to resolve issues. So they are likely to do everything they can to make Alex Happy.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
In order for this Personality Pair to feel compatible over time, their personal values have to align. Otherwise, the driving force behind their joint commitment to the relationship is gone.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core.
Because the Changemaker element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, neither one is likely to ignore something that upsets them. But Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is the most naturally compassionate of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index. They tend to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better, and usually approach problem solving with compassion and patience.
In contrast, Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Core is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, and tends to project an argumentative tone whenever they want something to change.
As two Core Changemakers, Sam and Alex are both strong personalities. Whether or not their conflicts escalate to the point of causing rifts in the relationship depends on how willing each one is to listen and to respect their partner’s perspective.
As two naturally stubborn personalities, neither one is likely to allow themselves to be pressured by the other. But how willing they both are to work on flexibility will determine whether conflict gets the better of their partnership.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector elements in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Social Changemaker Triad is the Social Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Triad is the Ideas Connector.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard is active, they want the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. When Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard is active, Alex looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Personality is eager to nurture and help Alex in any way they can. However, Alex is not likely to satisfy Sam’s Connector needs because Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Personality does not have much respect for social image and status, and would not know how to support that aspect of Sam’s identity even if they wanted to.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Core does not directly impact how Sam and Alex feel about each other. However, the more active Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is, the more disappointed they are likely to feel in the relationship. In this Personality Pair, the relationship is more likely to meet Alex’s Connector needs than Sam’s. ©
