Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Explorer Core. The Social Changemaker Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Social Connector Bodyguard. The Ideas Explorer Triad includes a Social Connector Bodyguard and an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is the Social Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is the Ideas Explorer.
Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because that Explorer element is the Ideas Explorer, their love is anchored in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. Because that Explorer element is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let social distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Core is naturally compassionate and supportive, while also expecting the other person to share some of their values. Sam might expect Alex to change some aspect of themselves for the greater good of the relationship or their community. Alex is likely to focus in on the deeper purpose of Sam’s expectations, and embrace them.
Alex’s Ideas Explorer Core prides itself on accepting and supporting their partner’s deepest feelings. But they might judge their partner for not wanting to stay immersed in those deep feelings, and expect them to work on changing themselves. Sam’s natural response to Alex is to give as much of themselves as they can to Alex’s expectations and to the relationship.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
In the long run, Sam might feel that Alex is not social enough. And Alex might feel that Sam is not deep enough. Depending on how much influence each of their Bodyguards has in their Triad, Sam and Alex could grow closer or more distant over time.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard.
Because the Social Changemaker is Sam’s Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. However, of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index, the Social Changemaker is the most naturally compassionate and concerned with the needs of others. Sam’s Social Changemaker Core has the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better. Sam is inclined to thoughtfully persist in offering mutually beneficial solutions to whatever is bothering them, until it gets resolved.
Although the Ideas Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself. If Alex appears argumentative, it is most likely the Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard showing up in defense of the Ideas Explorer Core which is naturally more sensitive and introverted.
For this Personality Pair, conflict stems from a difference in temperament that can make it difficult to share certain experiences. Sam’s outgoing, sociable demeanor and Alex’s introspective emo vibe can feel at odds when environments and activities that are comfortable for Sam, are not comfortable for Alex, and vice versa.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Changemaker Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Explorer Triad which also includes a Social Connector Bodyguard.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Triad and Alex’s Ideas Explorer Triad both have the Social Connector element as a Bodyguard. Because the Social Connector element in both of Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
But when their Connector Bodyguards are active, they expect the relationship to support their connection with the life around them in the same way that Alex does. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.
As a Core Personality or an active Bodyguard, the Social Connector element wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity.
Having the same Connector element means that Sam and Alex have parallel perspectives on the Connector role that their relationship plays in their lives. The more active Alex’s Connector Bodyguard, the more potential this couple has to keep Sam’s outgoing energy and Alex’s introverted vibe from clashing. ©
