Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Social Connector Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Personality Triad is the Ideas Explorer, their experience of love is anchored in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Personality Triad is the Social Explorer, their experience of love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and in the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
In this Personality Pair, both Core Personalities (Social Connector and Physical Connector) are results oriented, and rely on their Bodyguards to help achieve results in every area of life, including romance.
For both Sam and Alex, personal and social factors are important in choosing a partner. Their emotional experience of love is not likely to feel as consistent or as important as knowing that their relationship holds a respected place in the community and in society at large.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Connector Core focuses on success. Sam may expect Alex to change their mindset or course of action, as part of their commitment to leveling up the private aspects of the relationship or the public perception of it.
Alex is likely to hear Sam out and seriously consider Sam’s perspective. If Sam’s expectations feel reasonable, Alex will go along. However, if Sam’s expectations do not feel legitimate for any reason, Alex is likely to share their honest opinion and stay true to it.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is making risky choices or breaking laws, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with society’s standards.
Sam is likely to respond diplomatically, but to continue with what they initially intended, possibly behind Alex’s back. Sam Social Connector Personality tends to have the attitude that what Alex does not know will not hurt them.
At some point in their relationship, Alex is likely to figure out that candor and integrity hold greater value for them than they do for Sam. When that happens, Alex is likely to feel betrayed and disrespected.
Although Alex’s Physical Connector Personality prefers to stay loyal for a lifetime, they may choose to end the relationship if Sam’s breaches of trust have crossed too many lines for Alex to reconcile.
Both Sam’s Social Connector Core and Alex’s Physical Connector Core want to be engaged in life and in the world. Both of them are likely to be high-achieving, and to lead very busy lives in and out of the home.
The difference is that for Sam’s Social Connector personality, it is important to reach the top rung of any social or professional ladder they have chosen; whereas for Alex’s Physical Connector Personality, ambition is balanced by a desire to be part of something larger than themselves.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Because of the fundamental differences between Sam’s and Alex’s personalities, their relationship is more likely to be motivated by an alignment of life goals than by any romantic notion that they belong together.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Bodyguard is the most naturally compassionate of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index. They tend to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better, and try to thoughtfully communicate about whatever is bothering them until it gets resolved.
Although the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself, especially when it feels triggered.
When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, the natural composure of their Physical Connector Core Personality can give way to the confrontational energy of the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers.
If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex might begin to feel and express agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
It is important for Alex to have options for de-stressing and redirecting any time they feel their Physical Changemaker Bodyguard getting triggered.
Both Sam and Alex prefer to manage their feelings privately. Having a safe space to decompress is critical to the health and well-being of this Personality Pair.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Because the Connector element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, it is very important to both of them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.
However, Sam and Alex still approach fitting into the world very differently because Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Physical Connector.
Sam has the Social Connector Core which expects the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Sam’s expectations are likely to be met in this Personality Pair because Alex’s Physical Connector Core has a natural affinity for understanding what is required to be respected in any social or professional context.
Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.
Sam may find Alex’s Physical Connector expectations limiting. Sam’s Social Connector Personality generally has the attitude that bending the rules diplomatically is often in everyone’s best interest. For Sam, that attitude is coupled with the idea that what Alex does not know cannot hurt them.
The Connector dynamic in this Personality Pair is likely to cycle between life sometimes feeling perfectly put together, and other times, the couple feeling at odds because Alex’s attitude or choices go against Sam’s values. Any time that Alex prioritizes success over integrity, it is likely to bother Sam. Although diplomacy can be helpful in keeping tensions from rising too high, Sam’s disappointment is likely to build over time. ©
