Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Explorer Core. The Social Connector Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. The Physical Explorer Triad includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard and a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer Element in Sam’s Social Connector Triad is the Ideas Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Alex’s Physical Explorer Triad is the Physical Explorer.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core anchors love in their body. And because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. But because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let social distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
However, because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, it is influenced by Sam’s Social Connector Core Personality, especially because that Core Personality is one of the more decisive and influential Personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index.
When a Core Personality is naturally comfortable in a leadership role, it tends to have more influence on its Bodyguards than Core Personalities that are not as naturally self-assured. Sam’s Social Connector Core Personality is likely to have some influence on the choices Sam makes in every aspect of life, including romance.
When the Social Connector’s focus on success carries over into love relationships, they want those relationships to have the universal mark of success, a great sex life. So for this Personality Pair, the intimacy gap that might be created from having different Explorer elements is bridged by a Core Personality’s influence.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Sam’s Social Connector Core is focused on success. Sam may expect Alex to change their mindset or course of action as part of a commitment to leveling up the private aspects of the relationship or the public perception of it. Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality is motivated by the rewards of success that are a natural extension of Sam’s vision for the relationship.
Unless the couple is dealing with other relationship challenges, Sam’s expectations are simply part of the mutually satisfying relationship dynamic where Sam gets to call the shots, and Alex appreciates the benefits they reap as a couple.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core is deeply connected to their body, and is focused on how their body feels in each moment. They are not likely to put pressure on Sam to change unless Sam was getting in the way of Alex’s body feeling good, which would be unusual.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Bodyguard is the most naturally compassionate of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index. They tend to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better, and try to thoughtfully communicate about whatever is bothering them until it gets resolved.
In contrast, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. When Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is triggered, it can erupt into an explosive outburst. When that happens, Sam is likely to stay calm and detached, focused on de-escalating Alex and managing whatever triggered Alex’s reaction in the first place.
For this Personality Pair, the risk of Alex reacting defensively to a trigger may always be there. If Sam’s love motivates them to manage those situations in a way that helps Alex feel supported, intense moments of conflict are likely to become less volatile and less frequent over time.
But if Sam feels that managing Alex’s intensity is too stressful and a waste of valuable time, they are likely to become impatient and agitated. If that happen, episodes are likely to become more volatile and frequent, causing the relationship to break down.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam’s Connector element is the Social Connector; whereas Alex’s Connector element is the Ideas Connector.
Because the Social Connector in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Sam’s Social Connector Core wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality has a natural charm that opens doors and attracts influential people, satisfying Sam’s Connector values.
Because the Connector element in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Alex expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world. When active, Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about themselves in the world.
Sam’s Social Connector Personality is not likely to have much interest in providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. So Alex’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
Sam’s Social Connector needs are likely to create opportunities for this couple to feel close. However, the more active Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard, the more disappointed they are likely to feel in the relationship. In this Personality Pair, the relationship is more likely to meet Sam’s Connector needs than Alex’s. ©
