Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
This Personality Pair is likely to have an antagonistic relationship in every facet of their relationship including intimacy and romance. Nothing about these two Personalities makes them viable as a couple.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that their partner needs to change in some way.
If Sam suspects that a thought they expressed is not being taken seriously, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves.
Alex is likely to resent Sam’s expectations because Alex never wants to be told what to do.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they might impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Sam is likely to take Alex’s expectations as a show of disrespect, and dismiss them out of hand.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
This Personality Pair is completely incompatible. These two Personalities simply should never get together. Period.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Because the Changemaker element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, neither one is likely to ignore something that upsets them.
The two most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, the Ideas Changemaker and Physical Changemaker can each easily slip into a combative mindset and demeanor. When Sam and Alex are upset at the same time, the tension between them skyrockets. Any argument that ensues is likely to have the energy of a heated debate and boxing match rolled into one.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality often comes across as belligerent even without realizing it. When Alex allows any disappointment they have in Sam to cross over into a power play, it is immediately apparent in Alex’s physically intimidating body language. Sam’s reaction to Sam’s domineering energy is likely to dig their heels in and focus on proving their point until they ‘win’ the debate.
Neither Sam nor Alex is likely to tolerate their partner’s efforts to impose expectations for the sake of establishing status or dominance. But even though Sam’s or Alex’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact their partner. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities their partner has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
For this Personality Pair, the compounded risk of both Sam and Alex reacting defensively to a trigger is always there. Nothing about this couple is conducive to a healthy partnership.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector element in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Triad is the Ideas Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad is the Physical Connector.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard is active, Sam looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. But Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality is likely to resent expectations that they give any attention to Sam’s thoughts or feelings. The Physical Changemaker Personality tends to begrudge demands, regardless if they come from their own ‘alter ego’ Bodyguard or from a partner.
When Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Alex is trusting to stay whole.
The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer. If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Alex into a defensive posture. Alex’s Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Alex expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
However, Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Personality has no interest in policing the couple’s social interactions or fitting into any of the preset frameworks Alex may use to manage their life.
Regardless if Sam’s and Alex’s Connector Bodyguards are active or not, Sam and Alex are both likely to either not recognize their partner’s Connector needs, or to simply ignore them.
This Personality Pair is unlikely to meet either Sam’s or Alex’s Connector needs. There is little to no chance that Sam’s Ideas Changemaker and Alex’s Physical Changemaker would choose each other in the first place. And if they ever did, the relationship would likely end as soon as it began. ©
