Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core. The Ideas Connector Triad includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which also includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads is the Physical Explorer, their feelings while they are falling in love naturally align. For both Sam and Alex, love is anchored in their body. The fact that love means the same thing to both Sam and Alex can make the honeymoon phase feel perfect as long as they are both embracing the experience of falling in love.
Because the Physical Explorer in Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, neither one of them is inclined to direct all their energy into a relationship cloud. Both of them are willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
How close they feel during the honeymoon phase depends on how active each of their Physical Explorer Bodyguards is.
If they do embrace love in this early stage of their relationship, it creates a foundation of closeness they can revisit as the relationship progresses, any time they feel at risk of drifting apart.
If either of their Physical Explorer Bodyguards is not developed or active, the honeymoon phase of their relationship is at risk of falling flat, leaving Sam feeling distracted and Alex feeling frustrated, which can lead both of them to wonder why they got together in the first place.
Regardless of what happens throughout the honeymoon phase, once it is over, both of them are likely to direct their energies in different directions. Sam is likely to direct their energies back toward all the diversions that life has to offer. And Alex is likely to focus on establishing and growing their physical influence in the world.
If Sam and Alex grow closer during the honeymoon phase, they are likely to stay emotionally connected. If the honeymoon phase feels underwhelming, they are likely to ‘fall out of love’ sooner rather than later.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Ideas Connector Core Personality has an aversion to limiting themselves or anyone else to a single way of doing things. Sam prioritizes never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. So they are unlikely to commit themselves to a particular permanent change or to persist in wanting or expecting their partner to do that for them. Sam might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Alex hesitates, they are likely to simply move on.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they may attempt to impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Sam’s Ideas Connector Personality is not likely to tolerate Alex’s efforts to impose expectations for the sake of establishing dominance. Sam is likely to seek creative ways to distract Alex from whatever is triggering them in order to keep Alex’s temper at bay.
If Alex’s aggression continues to escalate, Sam is likely to be conflicted about whether they should stay and keep communicating or just leave until Alex cools down. Either way, Sam’s Ideas Connector Personality is not likely to tolerate posturing or tantrums from a partner.
But even though Alex’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact Sam. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities Sam has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
The most likely motivator for this Personality Pair getting together is physical chemistry. Other than that, there may not be much that actively attracts them to each other. As long as they keep their physical passion alive, it is possible for them to stay together contrary to the likely consensus of friends and family.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Although Sam’s Ideas Changemaker element is a Bodyguard, it is eager to assert itself in defense of Sam’s Ideas Connector Core any time the Ideas Connector peacemaking efforts have failed. Similarly, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and welcomes opportunities to exercise control. It often comes across as belligerent even without realizing it. Neither Sam nor Alex is likely to back down from a fight once they get into it.
When Alex allows any disappointment they have in Sam to cross over into a power play, it is immediately apparent in Alex’s physically intimidating body language. Sam’s reaction to Alex’s domineering energy is likely to dig their heels in and focus on proving their point until they ‘win’ the debate.
The two most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core are always ready to take on a combative mindset and demeanor. When Sam and Alex are upset at the same time, the tension between them skyrockets. Any argument that ensues is likely to have the energy of a heated debate and boxing match rolled into one.
If the Ideas Connector and Physical Changemaker Personalities decide to get together, it is important for both of them to recognize that when one of them needs to let off steam, the other one needs to remain calm until tempers subside.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam’s Connector element is the Ideas Connector; whereas Alex’s Connector element is the Physical Connector.
Because the Ideas Connector in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Sam’s Ideas Connector Core looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality has no interest in thinking about Sam’s ideas and emotions. Alex is likely to resent any expectations that they take on the role of helper for the benefit of Sam’s psychological wellbeing. The Physical Changemaker Personality can tend to begrudge expectations, and to see compliance as a sign of weakness. So Sam’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Alex expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Alex is trusting to stay whole. The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer. If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Alex into a defensive posture. Alex’s Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Alex expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
However, Sam’s Ideas Connector Personality has no interest in policing the couple’s social interactions or fitting into any of the preset frameworks Alex may use to manage their life.
The Connector dynamic in this Personality Pair is likely to create antagonism in the relationship. The less Sam and Alex depend on one another to meet their Connector needs, the longer their relationship is likely to last. ©
