Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Explorer Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Explorer Core. The Ideas Explorer Triad includes a Social Connector Bodyguard and an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The Physical Explorer Triad includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard and a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, they both want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. But for this Personality Pair, that might actually speed up the realization that they are not in love.
As two different Core Explorers, Sam and Alex experience love very differently. Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Alex’s Physical Explorer Core anchors love in their body.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
For this Personality Pair, the stark contrast between their approaches to love makes it unlikely that they would ever have an initial attraction, let alone a love that stands the test of time.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core prides itself on accepting and supporting their partner’s deepest feelings. But they might judge their partner for not wanting to stay immersed in those deep feelings, and expect them to work on changing themselves. Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality is not likely to have an interest in Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality because Alex would never give the impression that they want to spend time or energy getting in touch with their feelings.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core is deeply connected to their body, and is focused on how their body feels in each moment. Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality is not likely to have an interest in Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality because Sam would never give the impression that having a good time is their top priority.
Sam’s intense attention to emotions is likely to interfere with Alex feeling good, irritating Alex and causing both of them to lose tolerance for each other. Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not deep enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam is not fun enough.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
This Personality Pair is apt to feel that they have nothing in common. Whatever brought them together can be expected to give way to frustration and disinterest from both sides.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It often comes across as argumentative, and tends to show up in defense of the Ideas Explorer Core which is naturally more sensitive and introverted.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is also one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. When triggered, it can erupt into explosive outbursts. It tends to show up in defense of the Physical Explorer Core which is naturally laidback and prefers to avoid the stress of conflict.
If Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard are triggered at the same time, the argument that ensues could bring down the house. If these two personalities ever get together (which is not likely), it is important for Sam and Alex to recognize that when one of them needs to let off steam, the other one needs to remain calm until tempers subside.
Although both Sam’s and Alex’s Core Personalities are conflict-averse, they are so diametrically opposed that any time they spend together is likely to feel extremely frustrating to both of them. The more time this couple spends together, the more frequent their volatile episodes are likely to become.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard.
Because the Connector element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them. To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Regardless of whose Connector Bodyguard is active, Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Ideas Connector.
Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Because Alex’s Core Personality is naturally introverted, their Connector needs are likely to focus on specific circumstances or environments. For example, Alex may want the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity as an artist in the art world.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Personality has a natural charm that opens doors and attracts influential people, fulfilling Sam’s Connector expectations in a relaxed and organic way.
Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. However, in order for Alex’s Connector needs to surface, Alex’s Ideas Connector has to become active, which is usually triggered by stressful circumstances.
Alex’s Physical Explorer Core would rather sit back and chill than start having a whole bunch of thoughts and feelings that can become overwhelming and provoke anxiety. In Alex’s Physical Explorer Triad, the Physical Explorer Core does not engage its Ideas Connector Bodyguard unless absolutely necessary.
When circumstances force Alex to get serious and deal with life’s complications, their Physical Explorer Core feels at a loss, and the Ideas Connector Bodyguard takes over.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality generally feels good about providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. However, the unfiltered thought process of Alex’s unsettled Ideas Connector Bodyguard can feel exhausting to Sam and cause both of them to feel frustrated.
In this Personality Pair, the Connector Bodyguards in both Triads are generally reserved for certain environments or circumstances. As a result, the couple’s Connector needs do not take center stage in the relationship. That said, the relationship is more likely to satisfy Sam’s Connector needs than Alex’s. ©
